"Man to Man" Grief Room Blog Spot

Its been a long time since I posted here on my blog.  I am back.... Would you buy a car, new or used, without doing your research? Of, course not, you want to be an informed consumer.  As I have noted here before, but is worth mentioning again.....funeral prices and cremation prices have escalated in many parts of the country. If you are in the need to purchase these services, and I do purposely choose the word "purchase," Shop Around, Shop Around. With 47% of people in the US electing cremation, the prices for cremation have taken a big jump, except maybe for a few discount crematories who will provide "Direct Cremation"of the body and return of the ashes without any service / gathering for $645 - $4,000 or so.    By 2018, the U.S. cremation rate is projected to reach 50.6 percent, said Barbara Kemmis, executive director of the Cremation Association of North America ( http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/06/01/new-cremation-trends/28329461/).  Th...

Men want to take action in the face of grief. In my grief work through hospice, over the years I have met many people, both men and women,who were looking for support to work through their grief. Generally I have found men want to take action and women want to talk to others to get through their grief after the death of a loved one.  I found activity or action help after the death of my wife.  Part of my action was designing this blog on men's grief. Works by Tom Golden, LCSW,  do an excellent job of helping people understand this difference between men's and women's grief, "Swallowed by a Snake" is one such book he wrote, others have followed. About 4-5 years ago, one couple in their 60's  from our SE Indiana community experienced the death of their 39 year old son, "Wolfgrang" from cancer.  His mother pretty much tried to handle her grief through traditional ways usually associated with women's way of experiencing her loss.  After a year o...

New to Grief.... you may feel like a chameleon trying to conform and do grief "right."  Don't let people tell you how you "should" grieve.  You will grieve your own way, in your own time.  Forget the euphemisms people through at you to try to "comfort" you.   "Time heals all wounds," "She lived a long time," "Now he's an angel in heaven." "You are young you can find somebody else,"“Let go and move on," They will say to little boys,"Big boys don't cry".... Your well-meaning family, friends, co-workers may be well meaning with their euphemisms, but they do more bad than good to help you with your grief process.  

In Darlene Cross's new book: "A New Normal: learning to live with grief " she points out one of the most important things new grief newbies need to know: "The most widely model you may have had likely heard bout is commonly referred to as the ' stages of grief. ' ...Keep reading because the shocking truth is there is no such thing." Many people learned in school or church about he stages of grief. It is usually described as a neat set of steps that carry you from one stage to another in a neat, smooth package - forget it- is right. - http://www.amazon.com/New-Normal-Learning-Grief-ebook/dp/B0036FUS6M/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

GRIEVING LIKE A MAN – SHE CRIES, HE SIGHS by Tim Heller, MSW/LCSW Everyday we lose children, wives, parents, extended family and significant others to death. Grief is the price we pay for loving others. Grief cannot be avoided. All people need to go through the grief /mourning process after the death of a loved one. If you try to run from grief, it will eventually find you. Avoidance of grief can result in the mourner turning to alcohol or drugs, over eating or possibly developing physical problems of their own. Men as well as women must face the death of the loved one so they can work through the feelings of loss and grief. Men and women share a number of similarities in the way they process their grief. Before anyone can become reconciled with the death of a family member or a friend, it is necessary to “go into” the grief and experience the feelings of loss. Research from recent years suggests men grieve differently than women. What does a grieving man do to “get over” his...