"Man to Man" Grief Room Blog Spot

Brother David Steindl-Rast answers Dr. Ken Kramer's questions, "What do you to say to someone who is grieving?" and "How do YOU want to die?" From a 1990 interview at San Jose State University. Brother David is a Roman Catholic Benedictine monk and known for his web site Gratefulness.org  In this interview he reflects on grief and the importance of living and being aware of your purpose.   Tell me what you about this video.

Men want to take action in the face of grief. In my grief work through hospice, over the years I have met many people, both men and women,who were looking for support to work through their grief. Generally I have found men want to take action and women want to talk to others to get through their grief after the death of a loved one.  I found activity or action help after the death of my wife.  Part of my action was designing this blog on men's grief. Works by Tom Golden, LCSW,  do an excellent job of helping people understand this difference between men's and women's grief, "Swallowed by a Snake" is one such book he wrote, others have followed. About 4-5 years ago, one couple in their 60's  from our SE Indiana community experienced the death of their 39 year old son, "Wolfgrang" from cancer.  His mother pretty much tried to handle her grief through traditional ways usually associated with women's way of experiencing her loss.  After a year o...

New to Grief.... you may feel like a chameleon trying to conform and do grief "right."  Don't let people tell you how you "should" grieve.  You will grieve your own way, in your own time.  Forget the euphemisms people through at you to try to "comfort" you.   "Time heals all wounds," "She lived a long time," "Now he's an angel in heaven." "You are young you can find somebody else,"“Let go and move on," They will say to little boys,"Big boys don't cry".... Your well-meaning family, friends, co-workers may be well meaning with their euphemisms, but they do more bad than good to help you with your grief process.  

“Is Your Lack of Forgiveness Blocking your Grief Process? “ by Tim Heller, MSW/LCSW,                   Spousal Loss Survivor                                                                                                                                       Hospice Bereavement Coordinator Is there a situation or a difficult history between you and your deceased loved one or a related party that is in need for forgiveness?   Could your unwillingness to forgive your loved one be blocking your grief process?   Many professionals in the grief field would answer the question with a reso...

“Early Phases of Grief: The First Days and Weeks” by Tim Heller, MSW/LCSW When my wife, Sandra, died 4 years ago, I was with her in our home with DCH Hospice. I told my young adult daughters and my wife’s family and then went about notifying extended family that lived away. Having worked in hospice for over 17 years I thought would have a pretty good handle on this process. I had myself convinced I was prepared for her death. After all, we knew it was going to happen for more than 3 years. However, there is something different about the death of a loved one, when it actually occurs. I soon discovered I needed to actually experience this death and the bereavement phases that followed, before I knew what it was really about. This is just one person’s experience into and now through the journey called grief. I would have to say, I still found it difficult at times to actually follow through with the many tasks associated with her death as well as some of the tasks of everyday livin...

As the second anniversary of Sandra's death approaches I was re-reading Ron Rolheiser's book, The Holy Longing , he says, "We must grieve, let go of the past and let the past bless us as we face the future with hope. Our highs and lows, our joys and sorrows are part of our story, the story of our salvation written by God’s own hand." This book is well worth your time and money. I think it will be remembered as one of the best books of modern day spirituality.