Book Review: “When Your Soul Mate Dies, a Guide to Heroic Mourning”

Book Review, by Timothy Heller, LISW, MAPT “When Your Soul Mate Dies, a Guide to Heroic Mourning” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., Companion Press, 2016.

When I was walking through the library this “new” book, “When Your Soul Mate Dies, a Guide to Heroic Mourning” jumped into my hands. Having worked in Hospice for nearly 30 years, Wolfelt’s work was very familiar. He pioneered the “Companioning” / Grief Reconciliation approach to grief and loss. If you are not familiar with Wolfelt contribution to the field of Bereavement, it is worth your time to explore.  From my experience his “Companioning” model works well with Bereavement groups/ counseling.

Being a Hospice Social Worker and Bereavement Coordinator as well as a Survivor of Soulmate Loss (spouse) this book spoke to me directly.  Kind of like when someone says, “that clergyperson was speaking directly to me in her sermon.” My only regret was the book was not available 11 years ago when I lost my soulmate.

This book was written for the individual who has experienced soulmate loss and for the grief professional seeking to understand and companion those having to journey through this type of loss. It is filled with useful information and presented in a workbook format with questions and space for the griever to answer.  The author instructs the reader how to use this book for a 12 session Soulmate Grief Support Group.

In the introduction, Wolfelt attempts to change your possible skeptical view of the term “Soulmate.” He goes on the define “Soulmate” and  ”Soulmate Grief.”  He offers Thomas Moore’s definition as a starting point, “A Soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected as though the communicating that takes place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace.”

Soulmates can be spouses/partners, mother/daughter, best friends and secret soulmates.  “Soulmate Grief´ is defined by some of the grievers who provided input into this book.  They give voice to this type of grief as “Fractured,” “The grief felt “lethal,” and another, “I felt like I was run over by a truck repeatedly.”  As you already know, Soulmate grief is complicated grief.

In the following chapters, Wolfelt adds ‘more meat to the bone’ with the 6 Needs of Heroic Mourning and the process of Grief Reconciliation.  This book is well worth the time for a person experiencing Soulmate Loss and for the professional going with him/her on this sacred journey.