So you think you are ready to start dating / to get remarried, REALLY?
So you think you are ready to start dating again....Think again.
Ask yourself a few simple questions....
There are a lot of questions and concerns you need to consider before you just go head long in dating/marriage. I ask you to consider going through some pre-martial preparation from a licensed professional or a skilled clergy person before you get married. It is likely the first serious dating relationship may be a "transitional figure" who you are not ready to bound with if you have not completed your grief work. Another consider is it is likely that one or both of you have minor children or adult children. Go SLOW.
One stat from the past stated that 50% of men who married in less than a year ended in divorce. On the side, men live longer if they remarry. I am not saying there is anything wrong with remarrying, but first you need to work through your grief and mourning process. A year and a half after the death of a spouse, 15% of widows and 37% of widowers ages 65 and older were interested in dating (Carr). These numbers are likely higher with younger widowed males. Social research about this subject varies only minimally. The decision is only yours to make.
Dating to soon may end up with you experiencing even more loss and grief, when it doesn't work out. You also risk putting the transitional woman through unnecessary emotional pain and suffering. It is unethical to "use" other people to meet you sexual, emotional or material needs. Your loss from death of your wife does not give you license to use other people. Yes loss in painful, I know from my personal experience with the death of my wife October 2007.
Some questions and concerns to consider before dating/marriage:
"Look man, it's been 6 months since my wife died, I done my grief thing, I'm ready to move on and get remarried."
Why do I want to start dating?
How long has it been since my wife died?
"All I need is a nice, sweet woman just like my ______________ and everything will be fine." Really?
I was married _____ years and we had a very close relationship.
"I miss having someone to share my life with."
"I want to have a sexual partner."
"I am lonely."
"I can not stand to be alone in this world."
"I need someone to help raise my young children." Give it more time, hire a babysitter.
"I think it will help my grief/depression." It will not help if you really haven't dealt with the death of your wife.
"I am ready for marriage. My wife and I had a caregiver/ patient relationship the last ________ years before she passed. I did my done grieving its been a year.." Really?
"I am young. People tell me I should be out looking for some one new."
"Marriage will solve all my grief issues." It won't resolve your grief issues if you haven't truly resolved the death of your wife.
Are you read to sell your home and move to a different residence. Most women are not going to be comfortable in the same home you are your wife shared for years.
"I need a woman to cook and clean for me! My place is a mess!" Hire a housekeeper. Take a cooking class. Learn how to use the vacuum cleaner. There is a first time for everything!
(Carr, D. (2004). The desire to date and remarry among older widows and widowers. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(4), 1051–1068).
Ask yourself a few simple questions....
There are a lot of questions and concerns you need to consider before you just go head long in dating/marriage. I ask you to consider going through some pre-martial preparation from a licensed professional or a skilled clergy person before you get married. It is likely the first serious dating relationship may be a "transitional figure" who you are not ready to bound with if you have not completed your grief work. Another consider is it is likely that one or both of you have minor children or adult children. Go SLOW.
One stat from the past stated that 50% of men who married in less than a year ended in divorce. On the side, men live longer if they remarry. I am not saying there is anything wrong with remarrying, but first you need to work through your grief and mourning process. A year and a half after the death of a spouse, 15% of widows and 37% of widowers ages 65 and older were interested in dating (Carr). These numbers are likely higher with younger widowed males. Social research about this subject varies only minimally. The decision is only yours to make.
Dating to soon may end up with you experiencing even more loss and grief, when it doesn't work out. You also risk putting the transitional woman through unnecessary emotional pain and suffering. It is unethical to "use" other people to meet you sexual, emotional or material needs. Your loss from death of your wife does not give you license to use other people. Yes loss in painful, I know from my personal experience with the death of my wife October 2007.
Some questions and concerns to consider before dating/marriage:
"Look man, it's been 6 months since my wife died, I done my grief thing, I'm ready to move on and get remarried."
Why do I want to start dating?
How long has it been since my wife died?
"All I need is a nice, sweet woman just like my ______________ and everything will be fine." Really?
I was married _____ years and we had a very close relationship.
"I miss having someone to share my life with."
"I want to have a sexual partner."
"I am lonely."
"I can not stand to be alone in this world."
"I need someone to help raise my young children." Give it more time, hire a babysitter.
"I think it will help my grief/depression." It will not help if you really haven't dealt with the death of your wife.
"I am ready for marriage. My wife and I had a caregiver/ patient relationship the last ________ years before she passed. I did my done grieving its been a year.." Really?
"I am young. People tell me I should be out looking for some one new."
"Marriage will solve all my grief issues." It won't resolve your grief issues if you haven't truly resolved the death of your wife.
Are you read to sell your home and move to a different residence. Most women are not going to be comfortable in the same home you are your wife shared for years.
"I need a woman to cook and clean for me! My place is a mess!" Hire a housekeeper. Take a cooking class. Learn how to use the vacuum cleaner. There is a first time for everything!
(Carr, D. (2004). The desire to date and remarry among older widows and widowers. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(4), 1051–1068).
Comments